If you follow My Curly Mane on Twitter, you’ll know that every Friday I dish out some #FunkyFridayMusic for the week. It’s eclectic, serene, and sometimes just plain funky music to do your ‘do and celebrate the weekend. Below is a video I shared a few weeks ago. You may have already seen it a few years ago (and bopped along like a Muppet). If not, you must! It’s the perfect song to cheer yourself up on bad hair days and to help kid curlies learn self love and to embrace their naturally curly hair … (more after the video)
The song was created by Joey Mazzarino, the head writer and a puppeteer at Sesame Street. Mazzarino adopted his daughter, Segi, from Ethiopia. He noticed that she began to speak negatively about her hair after playing with her long, straight-haired, blonde Barbie dolls. Oh, Barbie why do you do this to us??! It’s not only Barbie. It’s the cartoons, toys, and commercials young girls are exposed to. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many images reenforcing the notion that their natural hair is beautiful, which is why we need more positive messages as is done through this video.
Thank you Joey Mazzarino and the team at Sesame Street! Now, I not only know how to count like “The Count,” but I also know that I “don’t need a trip to the beauty shop because I love what I’ve got on top.” Say like like in the video: I really, really, really love my haaaaiiiiirrrr!”
This Labor Day weekend, I was fortunate to celebrate with good food, music, company, and conversations. Among the discussions was talk of naturally curly hair. Yes, yes, if you’re around me long enough, the conversation does veer into fashion, art, pop culture, and hair! No one is safe!
So I was overjoyed when mom of three boys (bless her), LaToya, willingly shared her hair story for us to learn from. The themes she addressed will ring familiar for some of you. For others, it’s good to know that you are not alone. We are here with you, though you’re far away … Okay, I’ll cut it out. Back to my Q&A with LaToya.
Nay(eyeing LaToya’s wavy hair, tied in a ponytail): Your hair looks great! I hope you don’t mind the question, but is your hair natural?
LaToya (raises ponytail): Thank you, but these curls are weaved.
Nay (drops mouth wide open, stunned at being duped but impressed by how naturally the weave blends into LaToya’s hair.): It is??
LaToya: Yes, I’m wearing a weave, but my hair needs a rest from it. It’s been a while now, so I’m going to take it out.
Nay (promising that I’m not a natural hair pusher): You’re working the weave, but what about the rest of your hair? Is it naturally curly?
LaToya (surprised by my own surprise): No, I have a perm, but I have gone natural before. I wore my natural hair for 10 years, beginning when I was 18 years old. It was my senior year in high school. My sister was getting married, and a beautician did everyone’s hair for the wedding. I got a bad perm that was left in my hair … She didn’t wash it out completely.
Nay: Gasp!
LaToya: Yes! It led to a lot of breakage, so I just decided to go natural. I wasn’t alone (cue song). My best friend went natural when I did. I also had an old-school stylist who knew how to take care of natural hair and helped us to transition. Whenever I wanted it straight, she simply pressed it. I also tried a lot of products like hair mayonnaise.
Nay: You went natural for a long time. What happened?
LaToya: I like to be versatile. Weaves had trouble blending into my natural texture. I sweat a lot too, and when I sweat, it causes a big puff. Permed hair is easier to weave. Your look stays preserved. Plus, I can go to a salon and have a beautician easily do my hair. I don’t have to figure it out.
Nay: So what’s your hair plans for now?
LaToya: I’m staying permed for now but taking time out from weaves. I do miss my natural hair. It was longer and healthier.
Nay (I’m not a pusher!): Do you think you’ll go back to being natural?
LaToya: Actually, my best friend stayed natural. She has figured it out, and her hair is nice. For me, it’s hard to find products that I can consistently use and will moisturize my hair, but I heard Carol’s Daughter is good. I’m also seeing more salons that know how to do natural hair.
Here lies most of our problems and an issue that drives many curlies back to straightening and perming—maintaining natural hair’s moisture (click here to read my tips on how to moisturize curly hair) and acquiring reliable products for styling. A las, there is hope. We are finally making strides, and resources are increasing each year. Plus, as a community, we have nailed down some methods and acquired the basic science to our hair. Of course, you’ll find details here at My Curly Mane. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus!
Have you had a similar journey as LaToya? Please feel free to share your story.
Stay tuned for an interview with LaToya’s son Jaden, whose naturally curly hair will bring you tears of joy.
Two weeks ago, I attended two funerals for two young friends under the age of 34. Both gentlemen passed away suddenly and left behind many broken hearts and dear friends. They lived completely different lives but left the same lesson—life is about choices.
You’ve heard the clichéd expression that life is a rollercoaster. Life gives you lemons. Life is like a box of chocolates, and on and on. Well, it’s true. Life truly is an unpredictable journey. One minute we’re caught up in work drama, the latest hair style, and laughing about reality TV. The next minute, the stop sign flashes red, and we’re facing life-changing challenges, all based on the cards we’re dealt.
You may have different beliefs, and that’s fine. In the crazy little world within my head, I picture angels—wise, cunning beings that are either good or bad–surrounded around a card table. One plucks a card and deals your faith. We can either choose to push through obstacles (with lots of prayers) or fall, arms outstretched, into a path of destruction.
Our choices aren’t always perfect, but our best bet would be to think about what we want to leave behind. Yes, this is the Oprah moment. Seriously, this lesson was driven home the moment after I left one of the funerals. I strolled away with my SO (significant other) in hand and smiled. This was the very first time I’ve ever felt happy after a funeral. I felt good because of the mark this young man left. It was evident by the words that were spoken of him and attendance of young boys in which he coached and hundreds of friends and family members who all spoke well of him. In the brief time that I knew him, I already knew that he was a good person. How many people can you say that about?
It’s all about these moments, your legacy. Make the best choices that you can while you’re given the opportunity and time to do so. Roll the dice when you need to. Fold or pass whenever you feel it’s right. Do not cheat. Keep a poker face when needed rather than being overpowered by emotions. Play by some rules while breaking others. Know it’s okay to lose and celebrate winning. Most of all, don’t just be … live.
As a favor to a friend, I was asked to give advice to a college senior and fellow curly girl (yes!) on the working world and career options in the field of communications. After sharing my thoughts, it had me thinking about the journey we call life (bare with me for a moment).
I believe that part of our life lessons is to find, accept (for good and bad), and learn from ourselves throughout our different phases and stages. It may sound simplistic and easy for some of you to achieve. I commend you! For others, it’s a lifelong struggle between pleasing people by acting in accordance to their standards and being authentic to ourselves. This spans our career choices, how we present ourselves to others, and what we say about ourselves.
As a people pleaser, I often find myself questioning whether I’ve agreed with someone because I truly concurred with their thoughts or if it was expected of me and makes that person feel better knowing that I don’t challenge their thoughts. It’s as if some influencers–loved ones, friends, and acquaintances–are dangling a box in which a mold has already been cast.
Now, I will advise you as I advised this young lady. Whenever you’re presented the mold, step away! If not, you will miss the opportunity to live a fulfilling life and achieve success doing what is in your element, what God has gifted you to do. It is your choice to forge your own path and embrace your true self.
I too struggle with this, so I’m reminding both of us today. Let us repeat Uta Hagen’s words and remember to overcome the notion that we must be regular. Yes, let your freak flag fly!
Have you been forced into a mold? Have you broken free of it? Please share your story.
Photo credit: DG Jones
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